Thursday, August 26, 2004
PLEASE ADJUST YOUR SETS
Captain Inertia, the blog, will cease publishing effective today. Captain Inertia, the man, has a brand new bag: Up, lummox! Please adjust your links accordingly.
Thanks to everybody who made Captain Inertia fun over the past two years.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Thursday, July 22, 2004
THERE'S WATER IN MY JABBA THE HUTT
In 1999, I stole one-half of a plastic Jabba the Hutt action figure from my friend David Slade. (By the by, David Slade's band, the American Princes, is extremely good, and had a very positive review in Punk Planet, who described them as "rock 'n' roll salvation.") It's just the top half of ol' Jabba--arms, torso, and head, but nothing below the waist--and it fits very snugly on top of any regular container of contact lens solution. Since that time, I've kept it on top of whatever container of contact lens solution I was using at the time. It's always good for a laugh, and hey, it adds some variety to the day. If there were more personal styling products that I could customize to feature Jabba the Hutt, I would do so. But I digress.
Yesterday, I accidentally dropped Jabba, and contact lens solution, in the toilet. (Fortunately, said toilet hadn't been used beforehand, so the water was clean [well, as least as clean as you can get from a toilet].) I retrieved and dried off the contact lens solution bottle with relative ease, but Jabba was far trickier. The inside of Jabba is hollow, and no matter how I held it upside down and shook it over the sink, the darn water would not come out! I ended up leaving the darn thing upside down in the shower in the hope that it would dry out overnight. But I am definitely experiencing stress over this alteration in my daily routine--today I put on my contact lenses, and the Jabba the Hutt figure was not involved in any way, and it freaked me out.
So, if any of you have suggestions, etc.
PERSONAL HYGIENE WATCH
I'm having some, uh, encroaching nose hair problems. Is there any way to deal with this problem, short of buying nose-hair clippers? (I suspect that rather than suffer the embarassment of buying nose-hair clippers, I might actually commit ritual suicide. But we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.)
Monday, July 19, 2004
WHO FEELS LIKE CRAP? I FEEL LIKE CRAP!
Captain came down with a mid-summer case of the grippe this weekend, just in time to celebrate his birthday. Pooh. It's OK, though, because I really only got sick because I'd screamed myself hoarse...here. (They won, by the way.) But now I'm in this semi-sick limbo: not quite well enough to do the usual daily activities, but not quite sick enough to take to my bed and stare at the ceiling. I felt like the Seven Dwarves today: dopey, sleepy, grumpy, sneezy, and bashful all at once. The kind of exciting life I'm leading these days...
The only plus is that my Arch-Nemesis seems to have relaxed its grip on me a bit. I was right: a week away from the glass teat did me well. I spent the whole week frolicking in bucolic Wisconsin (uh, sorry about unintentional tongue-twisteriness). A few highlights:
* My cousin Chris plays tennis incredibly well in loafers. All things considered.
* Seeing Anchorman, which was incredible and may deserve its own post at some point.
* Inner-tubing on Lake Geneva. By far the comedy highlight of the week. Me, the sister, cousin Chris, cousin Rick, and others, all out in a motorboat on the water. Add one enormous innertube, equipped with handles on the sides, so as to allow a hapless innertuber to hold on for dear life. Then, one by one, into the innertube, to be dragged around at 35 MPH. Whoa, daddy.
My thoughts, while in the innertube, went like this:
0-30 seconds: Huzzah! I am riding in an innertube! I am being towed around at great speed! The wonder of life!
30-45 seconds (mild bumps): I am truly an adventurous lad!
45-55 seconds (moderate bumps): I am truly, truly, an adventurous lad!
55-60 seconds (one very large bump: which sent my legs flying in the air): Huh.
60-65 seconds (one very large bump): Huh. There is a goodly chance I will be sent flying by this the bumps this innertube is receiving.
65-70 seconds (two extremely large bumps, punctuated by my exiting the innertube via a rather spectacular trip through the air): MAMA!
Etc. If my cousin has pictures, I might post some.
Saturday, July 10, 2004
KING OF THE NERD-PEOPLE
Civilization III reached out its ugly claws and grabbed me over the past week, consuming an entirely astonishing amount of my time. Good....grief! Today I completed, after many long hours of effort, a single game of Civ 3. The computer kindly informed me, upon my final vanquishing (vanquishment?) of my digital opponents, that I'd spent a total of 20 hours on that game.
Did you hear that? Twenty hours. That's enough time to read a book, a good one, like something by Dickens or Jane Austen. It's even enough time to read a really hard book--like this or this. But no. Unkie Davey had his hand super-glued to the mouse this week.
The truth, though I am loathe to admit it, is that I like tuning out for a while and playing computer games. They're a stimulating challenge, what with their abundance of detail and complexity. But it gets out of hand really quickly. Earlier this week, I played Civ until 4.30 AM. I can contextualize that for you by saying that I think it's been four or five years until I stayed out that late with friends. You play for an hour or two, and you start to get this "I've-been-playing-too-long" vibe...the eyes start to hurt...the neck starts to hurt...and you just keep playing.
I flash back to fourth or fifth grade, or junior high, staying up all nigth with friends trying to beat Dragon Warrior for the old-school NES. (It isn't possible, by the way. I tried.) Playing until the controller gets really sweaty and your thumbs start to hurt. Just playing and playing and playing.
The fever seems to have broken, a bit, now that I've at least beaten back my virtual opponents. It was hard to sleep with the digitized faces of my Civ 3 opponents taunting me in my dreams. But I'm thankful that I'm escaping to Lake Geneva for a bit, where it will be hard to score time in front of the computer screen. Hopefully when I get back, things will be a bit more balanced.
For now, enough computer screens. A breeze through the Gehenna Stone Affair for old times' sake (and to cement my credentials as the titular Nerd-King), and then to bed.
Cubs lose. And lose. And lose. Oh, and lose to our hated division rivals.
BACK AND ON THE ATTACK
Hi, everybody. Sorry about the recent hiatus, which fortunately seems to be coming to an end. I'm going to the annual Inertia Family Reunion this coming week, in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, which is usually hilarious and a great time. Blogging will be spotty for this coming week...but then I will hit you with blogging science such as you have never seen. Patience will be rewarded with big hugs.
Friday, June 25, 2004
Blogging has been, uh, light lately, even by my standards. Sorry. I recently quit my job, leaving me with fairly limited internet access for the next week or so. Once I get re-connected to the digital world (soon), I'll be back to pester all of you with more regularity.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
"MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE TO RELEASE RAP ALBUM.
If I could buy stock in something like "I will find this album in the 99-cent bin at Best Buy in one year," I would do it in a minute.